Melanoma Monday: My Melanoma Story

It’s such a cliché but I never thought it would happen to me.  Yes, I heard all the warnings about tanning beds and severe sunburns.  I saw all the advertisements and beauty articles promoting the benefits of regular sunscreen use.  I even read the stories of other young women who sunbathed and used tanning beds before themselves finding out they had skin cancer.  They never thought it could happen to them either…until it did.

I was so sure it would never happen to me that I even made jokes about it.  “Blonde hair, blue eyes, fair skin: I’m like the poster child for skin cancer!”  I guess the joke was on me.  In fall of 2014, I noticed a dark mole on my right shoulder, near the base of my neck. I didn’t know how long it had been there but at some point, I noticed it every morning while I was getting ready and it bothered me.  Even now, I look back at old photos to see if I can figure out when that mole first appeared. I grew increasingly uneasy with its size and color until I finally made an appointment with a dermatologist.

It took the dermatologist all of ten seconds to look at the mole before he put his hand on my shoulder and thanked me for coming in.  My heart sunk into my stomach.  I’m no medical expert but that couldn’t be a good sign.  The doctor numbed the area around the mole and used a razor to scrape the mole from my skin.  He explained they would send the mole to the lab for testing and I should hear by the middle or end of the next week.  He also said it would take a while to get the results back but if I hadn’t heard from him by the next Friday, I should call and follow up with the nurses.

When the doctor called Monday (only two business days later), I knew in my heart the results couldn’t be good.  I thought I was prepared but nothing can really help you to prepare for hearing you have cancer.  Two days later, I was in an oncologist’s office, discussing my upcoming surgery.

I was lucky: we had caught my melanoma early and I was diagnosed as Stage 1.  However, they were concerned about both the size and growth rate of the cancerous mole so they wanted to ensure it hadn’t spread to my lymph nodes.  Lymph node tracing was probably one of the most painful procedures I’ve ever been through, including my surgery.  I had to lie completely still while they injected dye into my shoulder multiple times, allowing them to follow the flow of my blood from the spot of the melanoma to my lymph nodes.  This is how they knew which of my lymph nodes to remove and test when they removed the cancerous mole.

All in all, I ended up with three incisions: one on the right side of my neck and one under my right armpit (where they removed the lymph nodes) and another where they removed the cancer.  A section of skin a centimeter in diameter needed to be removed around the mole to ensure all margins were clear of the cancerous cells and to give me a less than 3% chance of the melanoma ever returning to that location.  Because of the lack of excess skin in the shoulder area, a plastic surgeon was brought in to help with the operation.

My mom and sister had come to Chicago for the weekend to be there for my surgery and help me in the first days following my surgery.  The morning after my surgery, I decided to take a shower and looked in the mirror for the first time.  All I could see were the “ugly” scars and I broke down in tears.  Maybe it sounds shallow or superficial but I felt so unattractive and wasn’t sure I would ever feel good about myself again.

I was incredibly fortunate that my doctor had gotten all of the cancer during the surgery and my lymph nodes were clear.  Less than two weeks from being diagnosed with melanoma, I was considered cancer-free but that didn’t mean the coast was clear.  Recovery was much harder than I had anticipated, my pain killers made me so nauseous I couldn’t sit up, and I had to go in every three months for the next five years to get skin checks.

I struggle with the word survivor. When I think of a survivor, I think of someone who went through an ordeal or challenge and overcame it. When I think of cancer survivors, I think of those who endured chemo, clinical trials, or more to reach remission. I feel guilty putting myself in the same category as them because my cancer was removed in one surgery. However long the cancer was in my body, I was only aware of it for about eleven days.

I also have days where I feel less like a “survivor” and more like a cancer patient.  Since my surgery on January 30, 2015, I’ve had 6 biopsies and 4 surgeries.  I’ve also been upgraded from 3 month to 6 month skin checks. Although I’m still cancer-free, my anxiety before skin checks is almost crippling.  I worry a lot about what happens when the cancer comes back.  I’ve had so many abnormal moles in the last 3 years that “if” it comes back has become “when”.

All in all, melanoma has made me stronger.  I am now able to focus on the little victories instead of just the end goal.  My priorities are shifting and my definition of success has completely changed.  After struggling with depression and anxiety triggered by the melanoma, I began seeing a therapist who helped me shift my views on myself and life.  I’ve learned to communicate better, love harder, and take care of my whole self. I’ve found a passion for helping others and building relationships while promoting skin health and cancer awareness. The National Coalition for Cancer Survivorship defines someone as a cancer survivor from the time of diagnosis and for the balance of their life.  According to this definition, I am a survivor and I’m slowly starting to recognize myself as one too.

Melanoma Monday is part of Skin Cancer Awareness Month and falls on the first Monday of May each year. Its purpose is to raise awareness of melanoma, one of three categories of skin cancers.  While melanoma is the least common of the three types, it also happens to be the deadliest.  However, if caught early, it is also the most treatable which makes early detection so important.  For more information on the various types of skin cancer and other resources, click here.

Have you or someone you know been affected by skin cancer?  This post is unlike most of my others but I truly believe the best way to spread awareness is to share our stories.  I also wholeheartedly believe in a strong support system of friends, family, and fellow survivors!  I’m always open to answering questions about my personal journey or lending an ear to someone who needs support of their own.